It’s said that if a dwarf stands still long enough, he turns to stone. -Prymon

Why won’t you stop moaning

Venturing deeper into the caverns, the Undermountain Extractors find two additional hungry curtains. Defeating them, Gnollmash decides not to eat them. Deph joins the adventurers after taking some “dwarf time” to himself.

John Constantine makes a deal

At the suggestion of his demonic familiar Ahazu, Constantine enters the next cavern alone and makes contact with a demonic individual who calls himself Zuggz. Promising to protect the demon from the party, Zuggz pledges his service to Constantine. Constantine promptly tells the biggest lie to the party who believe him.

The guardhouse and the gate

Emerging from the cavern back into the forest, the party spies a large guardhouse and investigates. They find a long-dead halfling, a gate, and large river beyond the gate.

We all float down here

Investigating a boat tied up on the far edge of the river, Gnollmash is attacked by a mimic.

Gnollmash goes solo

Adventuring into the cavern beyond, Gnollmash discovers a sleeping dragon with an emerald blade sticking out of their forehead. Gnollmash elects to return to the party with his findings.

Fair dealing with Wyllow

Seeking out the archdruid of Wyllowwood, Prymon, Deph, and Deadbolt discover that Wyllow does not like music, that there are three gates into her woods, and that the Slitherswamp lies deeper within Undermountain.

A reclamation of owlbear eggs

Making their way through the gate in the guardhouse, the Gnollmash is struck dumb by a dread curse. Carrying the prone gnoll past the sleeping owlbear in the passage ahead, Prymon is as surprised as anyone when Gnollmash starts attackign randomly. Removing the curse of confusion from him, the adventurers decide the best fate for the two eggs that they recover after slaying the owlbear.

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BEHOLD WYLLOW’S WOOD. HARM NOT, LEST YE BE HARM’D – Faded wooden sign at the entrance to Wyllowwood, written in Common, Draconic, and Elvish.

The demon’s trail

After the The Undermountain Extractors takes a short rest, Deph tracks the trail of the escaped demon and Marta Moonstone through the dungeon. A they part ways, the dwarven scout chooses to follow the demon through the temple to Dumothoin.

It takes a dwarf

The party comes to a set of dwarven statues that attack anyone who is not a dwarf. Venturing into the shrine the statues protect, Deph finds a brass mouthpiece.

A hungry xorn…

Is a helpful xorn. The party loses a few gemstones and satiates a hungry elemental.

A careful decision

Discovering a long hallway that leads deep into the temple of Dumothoin, the party takes a moment to ponder. An umber hulk bursts through a nearby wall and charges the adventurers. The adventurers decide to follow the demon’s trail into an umber hulk tunnel.

Wyllow’s wood and Halasters’ forest

The tunnel leads to, of all places, a forest under blue sky deep within Undermountain. Not wasting a moment, Prymon loses his shirt and cavorts through the woods. Gnollmash joins in the fun.

These trees don’t bark around

Confronted by two sentient trees, the adventurers are escorted to an ancient tree made from stone. Within, a sentient tree bearing the face of a crazed man with wild eyes and hair greets them. Introducing himself as “Halastree,” the plant announces them to the ageless druid Wyllow.

An ancient druid

Wyllow thanks the adventurers for respecting her woods and encouraging them to keep it that way. Deadbolt presents the scroll she received from the elves, Wyllow informs her that she will be received kindly by Tearulia the green dragon.

A mournful moaning

Taking their leave of the druid, the adventurers follow the demon’s trail to the north to a cave that “holds a great evil.” Vowing to clean the cave, the adventures are horrified when the cave ceiling starts to moan, come alive, and starts attacking them like a hungry curtain. Defeating it, the adventurers hear the sounds of more moans nearby…

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Can’t speak of the motives of some of the other folk, as ole’ Deph doesn’t really understand them. – Deph

A meeting of dwarves and elves / a just reward to follow

Meeting with the Deph’s clan Gildsteel commander and he Cormanthy wood elves led by Oncith, the great grandchild of the Coronal Audark. A deal was struck with both the elves and the dwarves that the Throne of Illefarn would go to the elves with lands, information, armor, and weapons furnished to The Undermountain Extractors from both sides.

“The Premier Undermountain Team” / a wealthy patron

A proposal was introduced and a round of cheers accompanied it – the Undermountain Extractors would become Waterdeep’s premier Undermountain exploration team! Almost as if by kismet, Obaya Uday approached the group to inquire if they had any powerful magic items that they had retrieved from Undermountain. Selling the cured dagger of Yeenoghu, the adventurers suddenyl realize that they are quite wealthy. They open ban accounts.

An unexpected mentor / an unexpected accomplice

Prymon encounters Norbit the Wizard looking very lost outside the gates of Waterdeep. The paladin of Eilistraee gave the lost wizard, money, directions, and a hug.

As the adventures descended for their third mission into Undermountain an unexpected figure slid down the rope to join them: Marta Moonstone, the elf that was previously rescued from Undermountain. With John Constantine’s assent, she joined the party

The Goblin Market / Dumothoin’s Secret

After a brief stop by the Goblin Market (and negotiating another price reduction), the adventurers discovered a hidden door to an undiscovered level of Undermountain which led to the Lost Temple to Dumathoin.

The Tomb of King Malar

Discovering the false tomb to a dwarven king, then another, and then finally the true tomb, the adventurers accidentally awaken four imprisoned Class 3/1 demons. Defeating them, Marta Moonstone seems conflicted by whether or not she should betray the party, Deph decides for her and tells her to take a hike.

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Now see here mate, we’ve come to do you a favor. So open up those gates and keep those arrows to yourselves. The Extractors have returned! – John Constantine

Yeenoghu’s Hunger

While Gnollmash is gnamwing on something, the adventurers find quite a collection of treasure on the corpses surrounding an altar to Yeenoghu. Unclear how to dismantle the altar, the adventurers leave it for now.

Return to the Goblin Market

Returning to the Goblin Market, the adventurers discover that the bugbear mercenaries aren’t falling in line like they used to. Deph, Prymon, and Gnollmash see to it that they do.

The problem with circlets that turn you into a beautiful human

John Constantine steals Yek’s circlet. Amazingly, it goes well for everyone involved.

Papers, please

Returning to Azroks Hold, the adenturers are re-registered before they are brought to pay fealty to Azrok himself. The adventurers discover that the illithid ambassador from Skullport has inserted himself in the warlord’s throne room as an adviser. The adventurers quickly leave.

The throne reclaimed

Finding the Throne of Illefarn exactly where they left it, the adventurers swipe it into a portable hole and are able to return triumphantly to the The Yawning Portal!

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I leave my old concerns behind. His hunger is all that matters. It is greater than me; it is greater than us all. It is His mark. He made us. He drives us. He eats what we eat. He kills what we kill. He will come if we eat well. He will come if we kill well. He will come if we eat well. He will come if we kill well. We will kill and He will eat, and we shall be He and He shall be we, never alone, never afraid, never hungry. – Content Not Found: gnollmosh

A gathering of friends / a shower of coins

Gathering in the The Yawning Portal, the The Undermountain Extractors were surprised by a shower of coins erupting from the portal into Undermountain: each bearing the face of a cackling old man with wild hair and a crazed look in his eyes.

The descent below / the lust for gold

Descending into Undermountain, the adventurers found the place… a bit overrun with adventurers.

Keeping up with Baron Zadicus

Quickly meeting up with the vampire Baron Zadicus, he makes good on his promise and allows the adventurers free access to the rest of the first level. The adventurers pass. Prymon discovers that the Baron is not an undead, fiend, fey, or celestial but it appears that the vampire lord is in no way disguised. The adventurers leave with a case of the heebie-jeebies.

Foolish adventurers

The adventurers save the lives of some other Undermountain explorers. One of them, a wizard by the name of Norbit is need of some direction. The adventurers direct him toward the The Yawning Portal. Another adventurer joins the Extractors.

The stench of gnolls / a demonic incursion

Gnolls! Demons! The newest member of the Extractors is slain.

The will of Yeenoghu / the rise of Gnollmash

More gnolls! More demon (well the same demon). Grommash El-Yore is tragically killed and partially chewed by gnolls. To the adventurers surprise, his corpse transforms into a gnoll as Gnollmash! They kill him, and then bring him back to life. He is still very gnoll-y, but less hostile.

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Give me six hours to chop down a giant and I will spend the first four sharpening my axe. – Dwarven quote on preparation

Better you than me, oh wait

Awakening in a haze, both Deph and John Constantine found themselves restrained and suspended in webbing in an ancient dwarven temple their gear and weapons stripped from them. Near the front of the temple, a semi-conscious drow man was bound to an defiled altar to Dumothoin, dwarven god of secrets.

As Deph watched, the drow man tied to the altar suddenly awoke! He screamed in agony as his chest began to ripple like the surface of a pond. Craning his neck, Constantine caught a glance as red-black spiders begin to pour out of his mouth in swarms. The man’s screams were choked, yet he somehow continued his tortured cries of agony as something pushed out of his chest, bursting through his skin! Bones and flesh splattered outward as a geyser of red-black spiders burst from his chest like a goddamn flood. The spiders swarmed over his body as the screaming finally stoped, covering him like a carpet.

Coughing for a moment, Constantine spat out a single red-black spider. Looking downward at both of their chests, the pair of adventurers saw their own chests undulating as something moved beneath their own skin.

Easier than expected

Craning their necks around, the adventurers saw the rest of their companions, Dorch, Grommash El-Yore, and Truehand all bound and unconscious in the same webbing. Breaking free of their bonds, Constantine healed the The Undermountain Extractors back to consciousness while Deph freed them from their bonds. Drawing deep within his inner strength and paladin training, Grommash El-Yore purged the spider sickness within Constantine and himself, while Constantine worked his restorative magic to purge the horrible disease from the rest of the drew.

A timely rescue

The large brass door that blocked the only egress from this ancient temple opened, the sounds of battle beyond! A team of adventurers, calling themselves the Revengers burst into the room ready for battle. Dorch and Prymon recognized one another immediately and embraced as Reader tossed the Extractors their gear. Fighting their out of the temple, the teams returned from Undermountain and back to The Yawning Portal.

And so, the first expedition to Undermountain complete, the The Undermountain Extractors enjoyed the respite of the warm inn, good food, and restful sleep away from the cold dungeon floors.

But as the nights wore on, the open pit at in the middle of the inn began to call to them. One by one, they found themselves drawn back to it, defying all logic, ready to descend into its depths once again…

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If we can’t save Truehand and his crew, you’ll be damn sure we’ll get their revenge. – Reader

The best-of-the-best-of-the-best

Gathered in the The Yawning Portal, a collection of the finest adventurers in Waterdeep available on short notice had been collected. The Open Lord of the city has gathered together for an impossible mission: to track down the hero Truehand and his comrades who had fallen in Undermountain within a dwarven temple and retrieve them back to the surface. Calling themselves the Revengers, they numbered five: the brave bladsinger Barreth Serenia, the sly scout Hidalgo, the astute arcanist Nekramess, the proud paladin Prymon, and the professional polearm-master Reader. They quickly gathered their gear and prepared themselves for the decent into Undermountain.

Help! I’ve got my eye stuck in something

Following the directions given to them by the Open Lord, the Revengers stalked thwor way through Undermountain guided by the arcane eye of Barreth Serenia. Scouting ahead, the elven arcanists arcane eye came across a collection of floating keys and rusty daggers… and was trapped! The adventurers were in close pursuit, and defeated the nearly imperceptible ooze that had trapped the eldritch scrying sensor as Prymon held the creature at bay.

Is that a grick in your pocket…

The adventurers stumbled upon a hive of gricks, led by a massive monstrosity the size of an owlbear! The slaughtered them.

This is my first time here, but I don’t remember this…

Making their way deeper into Undermountain, the adventurers came to a grand hall that was completely unfamiliar to them, which was not unusual, as none of them had ever been to Undermountain before. Within the hall lay several dead wyverns being feasted upon by gricks and being watched over a strange large red eye. The adventurers deftly avoided the feasting scavengers as the eye eerily watched them.

Halls of stone

Opening a large set of double doors, a strange glyph hovered above Prymon for a moment before etching itself on the paladin’s forehead. The glyph burned for a moment and then disappeared.

Further beyond the double doors, a dead basilisk was discovered, a crystal globe clutched in one of its claws. After retrieving the orb, the Revengers discovered a hall of stone statues, including a stone grick with a crown dangling from one of its talons. Nekramess retrieved it deftly.

Head replacement

Following the passageway south, the group came across a horrible sight, a pair of zombie giants whose heads had been replaced with a horrible floating zombie beholders! Defeating the duo (the quartet?), they descended a nearby staircase deeper into the dungeon.

The goblin market

Hearing sounds of banter and lively market chatter, the Revengers came to a strange Goblin Market within the dungeon. After a quick chat with the leader of the market, a rather attractive human by the name of Yek, Nekramess struck a bargain with a goblin map merchant to guide them through this level of the dungeon.

What exactly am I looking at here…?

Down a particularly long hallway, his elven eyes piercing the gloom farther than the rest of his adventuring companions, the ranger Hidalgo spied a pair of owlbears, er, um, it appears that they are. Killing them both before the rest of the party could even lay eyes on them, captain cockblock put an end to their monstrous copulation.

Continuing past a pair of freshly-killed owlbear corpses, the adventurers found a stairwell leading downward deeper into the dungeon.

Looks like it ate’em from the inside sarge

Making their way through what appeared to be a dwarven catacomb of sorts, the Revengers came across a corpse. Not belonging to Truehand or any of his companions, the dead human appeared to be dressed as an adventurer with a wide-open chest wound. Examining the corpse closely, Reader discovered that the corpse had been partially eaten, and it appeared that the wound had come from inside the corpse.

The dwarven temple

Rounding the corner, a group of blue-furred quaggoth were found guarding an ancient dwarven door – could this be the dwarven temple that the adventurers sought? Quickly dispatching the beasts along with the stinking troglodytes that guarded the passage beyond, Prymon discovered the horrible truth about the rune on his forehead – he was unable to heal!

Hope they’re still alive

Quickly searching the complex, they found a block of prison cells including an elven prisoner that seemed strangely out of place. Defeating the blind and ravenous human-looking guards they freed her, only to be attacked by an invisible drow mage as well as a shape-shifting drow priestess! Slaying the priestess, the creature smiled fell into a fould smelling puddle of ichor and ash -a demon of some kind. One wrong move from the wizard and it met the sharp (and blunt) end of Reader’s poleaxe.

Hearing the sounds of the drow mustering their forces in the complex beyond, the adventurers turned their attention to an towering brass door that led into the inner temple. The elven prisoner informed them that the only way forward was to insert a gem into a setting in the middle of the door – luckily Prymon has a 300gp diamond he had been saving.

As the door swung open, the Revengers held their breathe hoping that they would find the adventurers they sought alive, or at least mostly in one piece…

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Death isn’t happening to you. Death is happening to us all. – T’rissa Auvryndar

A very drow response

AS the demonic voice rang out, the scream subsided only to be replaced by the approach of booted guards rounding through the streets of the abandoned dwarven city. The The Undermountain Extractors were face to face with an alerted drow patrol!- which John Constantine dispatched with ease. However, the patrol had not been alone; a small band of quaggoths had waylaid the party from behind! As Deph valiantly held the rearguard of the party, Grommash El-Yore, Truehand, and Dorch laid low the foul servants of the drow. One of the blue-furred monsters demonstrated a latent psychic ability before defeat – Deph recognized the creature as a thonot, a breed of drow slave that was particularly powerful.

Ye olde dining hall

Exploring deeper into the dwarven fortress, the adventurers came across seemingly empty dining hall with particularly stout stone tables and low benches.

Ye olde shittin’ hole

An empty latrine was found here. It stank.

Ye olde stinking slave quarters

Carefully investigating these chambers, Deph discovered a mob of stinking lizard-like creatures with manacled arms – troglodytes! Upon seeing the door opened, the mob of filthy creatures ran for the door and past the adventurers. They disappeared to the south.

Ye olde mess hall

Practicing a bit of dwarven diplomacy, Deph made short work of the drow guard left in the kitchen watching over 3 goblins (Globby, Bootlick, and Earstabber) and the bugbear Blarg. Freed of their drow master by the adventurers, the goblinoids armed themselves and made their way back to Azroks Hold. Before leaving, Blarg informed the party that the matriarch of these drow was a particularly creuel woman named T’rissa Auvryndar who never negotiated, took few prisoners, and experimented on the prisoners she allowed to live. She also kept a fierce three-headed guardian as a pet that the goblins were particularly terrified of.

Ye olde priestess of Lolth quarters

Exploring the dwarven city, the Extractors discovered the quarters of the priestess who commanded these drow! Discovering a hidden in the one of the mouths of the stuffed goblins mounted to the wall, Dorch opened the large bound and jewel-encrusted chest at the foot of the matriarch’s bed. A few hidden compartments later, the party celebrated the discovery of jeweled spider figurines, silken spiderweb robes, a sacrificial dagger, a potion of healing, and a spellbook and arcane focus that looked remarkably familiar to one John Constantine. Searching the room thoroughly for secret passages, the adventurers found none and decided to leave with what they had found.

Ye olde drow ambush

As the party emerged with their new wealth, they found themselves face to face with an awesome creature – the three-headed chimera the adventurers had heard so much about. Stroking its dragon scales was the priestess herself, T’rissa. Attempting to bribe the creature, Dorch discovered that the priestess was naught but an illusion and that the chimera was faithful to its master. The beast raged and from the shadows, spells were slung. Attempting an escape down a side passage, Grommash discovered that several drow and their spider companions had staged an ambush! Choking on putrid arcane gas and being stung by a summoned swarm of flying spiders, the adventurers could hear the priestess mocking them from the shadows. Retreating back to the priestess’ quarters, the party was ambushed by several blue-white spiders that phased from the very air itself! Unconscious from poison, both Grommash and Truehand were laid out. Contemplating killing them both to raise their bodies from death, Constantine instead decided to keep fighting the damnable servants of Lolth. Dorch summoned the great water elemental Bubbles to fight for their cause, and though the bound companion kept the spider swarms at bay, he was not strong enough. The seeping green gas began to fill the quarters until only Deph remained, his dwarven resilience keeping him conscious.

The swarms of spiders clouded his vision, biting and stinging him, until he too lost consciousness. As he faded to black, he could hear the words of T’rissa taunting him, ‘Death isn’t happening to you. Death is happening to us all. And it happens all the faster to those who cross House Auvryndar.’

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Treat everyone fairly, be courteous, and obey the law; but if someone disrespects you , send them to their grave. – Warlord Azrok

An audience with Warlord Azrok

After being registered by the goblin clerks, the Extractors were introduced to Warlord Azrok along with another adventurer: a tall, tattooed goliath who demanded that the hobgoblin leader compensate him for his wasted time within the city bureaucracy. After the goliath’s dead body was carted away, the rest of the adventurers treated him with civility and pledged their might in defending Azroks Hold from House Auvryndar.

As they left the warlord’s chambers they were guided by Lurkana, his right hand commander, through the streets of the city. She confirmed Grommash’s suspicions (that the warlord was blind) and asked for their help – about a ten-day ago a detachment of duergar hailing from Clan Ironeye were hosted in the city. After they left, the warlord’s prized dagger of blindsight had gone missing! She encouraged the adventurer to retrieve the magical dagger without drawing attention to the warlords infirmary – the tune of 1,000 gold pieces from Azrok’s war chest and the promise of swift death should they speak openly of this matter weighed heavily on the adventurers thoughts.

Lurkana believed that the duergar had made their way to Skullport after they left Azroks Hold, and encouraged the adventurers to speak to the Skullport ambassador before they departed. She asked that the ambassador remain unharmed and unperturbed as relations with Skullport, and the Xanathar, were strained with the warlord.

Krek

Looking to restock, the adventurers visited the local trading post which was referred to only as “Krek.” Quickly discerning that the proprietor was a goblin baby-eater, Grommash had a crisis of conscience while Constantine helped a young orphaned goblin child retrieve a lost toy from the shop. The adventurer were rewarded, as the goblin child gave them a host of healing potions as well as a turquoise dolphin figurine.

Breakfast and chess

Following his nose, Dorch found the Skullport ambassador: an illithid named Ulquess who arrogantly invited the githzerai in for a game of far chess. Easily besting the irate gith, Ulquess held audience with the adventurers, answering their questions about the duergar (left Skullport a week ago), news about Grommash’s brother Mügonar (last heard delving deeper into Undermountain looking for what may be an illithid ship called The Scavenger), and the music scene in Skullport (Virtuo is quite popular according to the illithid).

After losing the game of far chess, Dorch decided to leave the company of the illithid before the situation could escalate.

Skullport: perhaps another day

The adventurers looked down the passage to Skullport and decided that perhaps they would wait another day to travel to the port of shadows.

Stromkuhldur ruined

Realizing that Azroks Hold was built atop the ruins of the ancient dwarven fortress of Stromkuhldur, Constantine decided that to finish his map of the fortress by exploring the ruins held by the drow to the east. Finding mostly spiderwebs and then spiders, the party discovered that the ruins were not entirely abandoned.

The bragging drow

Behind a thick dwarven door, Deph could hear the sounds of drow talking to one another. Grommash interpreted, a drow warrior was recounting their victory over a hobgoblin commander to his troops. Bracing themselves for battle, the adventurers surprised the drow and slayed them all save for a male drow archer named Xebrek. After questioning him, Constantine showed mercy by binding the drow’s hands and throwing him into the Saurgath River.

A short fishing expedition

Continuing to explore the ruins, Deph discovered an ancient dwarven treasure left behind by the Melairkyn Clan: an elemental gem tied to a water elemental named “Sloshy.”

When you stare into an abyssal mirror…

Grommash found treasure as well as he explored the ruins. The half-elf bard came face to face with a strange spider-motif mirror that offered no reflection, but as he approached the glass filled with smoke and the form of a giant spider appeared. The spider’s gaze met the bard’s, and asked who he was. When Grommash answered, the spider began to scream and horrendous cry, guttural, low and cruel in infernal, “I KNOW YOUR NAME!”

As the mirror shattered and collapsed to the ground, the infernal cries could be heard echoing throughout the ruins. As the scream died away, the sounds of rushing feet and drawn weapons could be heard…

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That goblin who’s richest has pleasures who’re cheapest. – Gnarl Ear

Demonic ambush / pirates treasure

Following the advice of the drow Melith Auvryndar, the Extractor’s made their way up the river until it joined with a much larger waterway, the River Saurgath. Traveling downstream, they found rest on a sandy bank that led to a deep cave. Scouting ahead, Deph came across an ancient skeleton – guarded by two large gorilla-like demons! After defeating the abyssal wretches, Dorch discovered a small treasure trove which they claimed for the adventurers.

A web-chocked passage filled with anguish

Traveling further down the river om their drow raft, the adventurers discovered a second passageway filled with webs, winds, and the howling cries of anguish. The passageway was choked with webs that resembled screaming elven faces. Curious, they ventured in only to find an insane spider-man pleading with them to make the howling stop! Killing the insane spider hybrid creature, they pushed forward deeper to find a drow outpost, heralded by the tortured sounds of screams! After a brief foray, the Extractors beat a hasty retreat from the forces of House Auvryndar after Constantine kept them at bay with a well-aimed fireball blast.

An emissary of Halaster

Returning to their drow-made rafts, the adventurers traveled further downstream until they reached an underground lake. While the River Saurgath continued further downstream from here, a large rocky beach caught the attention of the group as well as a cave that resembled a sharp toothy maw.

A long black gondola with eyes carved into its sides was moored next to the rocky beach, carrying a robed skeletal tielfling that answered all questions with a nod yes, a nod no, or a shrug.

A starving xorn is a somewhat helpful xorn

From the rocky beach, Deph found a broken dwarven-made door that led to a large well-made dwarven room filled with uncut granite blocks, a few half-made dwarven statues and and the largest xorn the dwarven scout had ever seen. Through the lure of a few gems, a little trickery and swift feet, the party was able to trick the xorn into leaving the room!

A treasure of immeasurable wealth

Searching the room, the perceptive dwarf discovered one of the granite block to be a fake, and within was hidden the famed Throne of Illefarn! Vowing to retrieve it later, the Extractor’s hid the throne and lured the xorn back into the dwarven-cut stone room to guard the treasure.

The path to Skullport

Traveling deeper into the dwarven halls, Gnarl piped up: he recognized these hallways! The adventurers were well on their way to Skullport, only a few twists in the cave further. Gnarl offered the party an option, to enter the port of shadows through via beggar’s rest pass (more dangerous, faster) or through shadow pass (safer, but through Azroks Hold). According to Gnarl, the hobgoblins of Azroks Hold were easy to deal with as long as the respect was shown.

Azroks Hold

Following their goblin guide, the Extractor’s made their way to Azroks Hold where, after a tense encounter with a hobgoblin garrison, the adventurers made their way into the goblinoid city to be registered with the local authorities…

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